LIKEME® Lighthouse

Memorial Day

Dianna — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 15:48:25 +0000

The LIKEME Lighthouse will be closed on Memorial Day. Monday May 27th. Enjoy the holiday everyone!

My parents know that I am gay

Dianna — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 02:59:07 +0000

My parents know that I am gay but because I haven’t had a girlfriend for 12 years they don’t say anything but I’m tired of hidding. About 5 years ago I ended up in the psyc unit, suicidal etc. My mother came to the hospital and we TRIED to talk about my lifestyle and she told me that she would rather I be dead than gay. I was crushed. Our family is somewhat close and now that I am more comfortable with who I am … should I bring it up again or should I just go with “don’t ask don’t tell” and see what gives?
Thank You,
Brenda

Dear Crushed,

That was a very hurtful thing your Mother said and I am sorry she was so unkind. But you lived through what sounds like a very scary, hard time. Its never better to be dead. As long as you are alive you can heal and grown and love. If your parents know you are gay then you aren’t hiding. Its puzzling when you claim your family is close but you also don’t feel safe to talk to them about your life. That’s not close. What are you hoping to accomplish by bringing it up to them again? Do you need their permission or encouragement ? What are you looking for from them? If you are comfortable with who you are why would you engage in a conversation that sounds like it will only hurt you. Love yourself first. Don’t engage in dialogues that will hurt you, shame you or put you back in the hospital. Go out and enjoy life. Maybe its time to stop being single and start dating. Once you have a girlfriend have her join you in family events and give your Mother a chance to see you happy. Seeing our children happy is often the only thing parents need to find acceptance. Stop worrying so much about them and start taking charge of your life. You matter

I’m scared to come out

Dianna — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:43:11 +0000

I’m scared to come out. I’ve struggled the last few years dealing with acceptance of myself, understanding, denial etc. You know how it is. But I’ve reached the point where I can’t keep it inside anymore; this secret is eating away at me and I’ve become so aggresive and short tempered with people. My family and friends have noticed and are convinced that I’m just growing up to be a mean person but I’m not- but how do I tell them the real reason? I tried telling my friend but because I don’t look like the stereotypical lesbian they laughed and said it’s a phase, amd joked that I would fancy them. Is there a way I can find another outlet for my emotions and secret rather than coming out.? I’d rather wait till I’m 18 to tell my family but I don’t think I can wait. What do I do? I feel like a coward.

Dear Scared,

What you’re doing does sound mean, its just that its mean to you. Not accepting yourself is a very mean thing to do to yourself. And its not that you’re just not accepting your sexual orientation, you not accepting your feelings. Being scare is quite valuable. It tells us when to be cautious, how to protect yourself and keeps us out of danger. There is nothing wrong with being scared. If you are scared then there’s a reason you are, what is it it? Figure that out first before you do anything. Are you not safe? And if your not what can you do to change that? There are a lot of ways people express their emotions, painting, singing, working out, writing, running marathons, studying, the list is endless. But finding an outlet for your feelings won’t change your sexual orientation, it just might make you feel better. Coming out doesn’t have to be a public announcement, everyone does it differently. Find the way that works for you or don’t. But the decision is yours to make. Stop treating people mean, that’s wrong. Being afraid doesn’t give anyone license to treat others cruel, plus if you continue on that path there won’t be anyone to come out to because no one wants to be around mean people and you’ll be all alone. And saying things like “stereotypical lesbian” is something you might want to re-evaluate. That sounds very judgmental and ugly. In 2013 I don’t think there is a “Stereotypical lesbian” that thinking just embraces the prejudice and bigotry LGBT activist have been fighting against since Stonewall. Stop putting yourself on the outside. Get busy learning about the LBGT history, you will be proud to be part of such a strong, powerful loving community. And you will find a deep history of courage that might help you find your own. When that happens your friends will be wishing you fancy them. Best of luck to you.

For most of my life I’ve battled with who I am as a woman

Dianna — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:41:06 +0000

For most of my life I’ve battled with who I am as a woman. I’ve known since I was young girl that I was attracted to other girls later women but have failed to be who I knew I was. I’ve only been with men, and only have had relationships with men. Losing part of who I was happened when I was fourteen and abandoned by my mother. She married our abuser. My three sisters and I were taken away when I was twelve. I’m the oldest of four girls, my three younger sisters were adopted and I was too old by then so I fostered out of the system at the age of 18. I’ve really been on my own my whole life. I self sabotage by pushing everyone away, and my trust in people is the opposite with what most people have. I automatically suspect and learn to trust later. I’m a christian and have known God since I was a little girl. It wasn’t until last year that I finally was able to trust God a nd let him guide me in my life. Here’s the situation, everyone I know is christian, they’re fanatically against anyone being gay/lesbian. Honestly If I was in hometown of Portland I probably wouldn’t feel so alienated here. Ive only lived here for a year. I know I need therapy, yet my real question in pouring my heart like this is, at my age, who’s had no relationships with women, go out and meet other women? I have no social life, I spend most of my time in the outdoors, and I have no really close friends to confide in and that is why I’m on here. I hope you have some ideas because I’m lost right now. There is only one day of the new year and I’m determined to live my life with purpose and to be intentional in who I am as a women in 2013.
Lost and Alone in Arizona

Dear Lost ,

Since you know you need theraphy that would be a wonderful place to start. Make an appointment as soon as possible. Since I don’t know what your age is, the answer is anyone, at any age can go out and meet people, there is no age restrictions to making friends, finding a support system, learning to trust, healing and falling in love. My question to you is why are you surrounding yourself with people that are philosophically opposed to who you know you are? You sound like a strong woman that has been through a lot of challenging situations. Don’t stop now, you are morally and spiritually responsible for your life and the happiness you bring to it. Try finding some Meet-Ups in your area that are focused on things you enjoy doing like being outdoors. Go enjoy your life. Now’s the time.

I am enlightened by Chely’s book Like Me

Dianna — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:38:39 +0000

I am enlightened by Chely’s book Like Me, and yet I am overwhelmed with immense sadness by it. I am 46. I have never been with a man. I have been with one woman, but it felt so wrong. Yet, the longer I watch days of my life go by, the more I feel like I am watching myself in a holding pattern. As I look back on moments in my life I can say I believe I have been attracted to women for a very long time. I always thought these were simply girl crushes…I just felt more comfortable with women. I often thought something was wrong with me, but truly never thought it was that I was gay. I just always felt odd and different…but doesn’t everyone feel that? I guess my question is simply how do I continue to live my life. I honestly feel like I am breaking apart…breathing hurts. Yet, I don’t see options. I am not even sure if I am gay. I don’t want to be gay…I d o not have a life in which that lifestyle would fit. However, going on as things are, feels like I am slowly dying. I feel so very confused and so very lost. My job is one in which I can’t risk anyone even knowing I am struggling with these feelings. I don’t even know if there is anything you can say to help. I just feel very desperate. Chely’s book is amazing, but it scares the crap out of me on so many levels. I want the freedom she has and I ache to be whoever I am and yet I feel so amazingly trapped, lost and so desperately alone. Any advice you can give off of such little information would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading this…I feel I have nowhere else to go…yet it is crazy writing this to someone I don’t even know.

Dear Nowhere to Go,

Its clear from you letter that you already have the answers you say you need. What it appears like you are looking for is courage. we all have courage, somewhere deep inside you it lies waiting for you to take charge. The risks you fear pale in comparison to being dead. Take all this pain,loneness and heartache to a place of self discovery. Go to therapy, go to lesbian events allow yourself to start living. You know who you are. Your life determines your life style not the other way around. You’ve been sad long enough. Make a decision to be happy and loved. Feel what you feel. only you know your truths. Your only trapped if you allow yourself to be trapped. One of the great advantages of being an adult is you get to make your own decisions and choices. Try that. Choose what makes you happy. Find a support system that will embrace you.

Life is short. Fear is an illusion. You are in charge of your freedom. Take it!

My daughter came out to us in her senior year of college.

Dianna — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:36:46 +0000

My daughter came out to us in her senior year of college. Crying and Crying I asked her if she was sick, or had cancer and when she finally could speak and said she was gay, both her father and I just said “Thank goodness”. Soon after she graduated she move to Berlin Germany. There she had two long relationships with guys but ended both because of her sexual attraction to women. She truly loved both these young men but knew it wasn’t fair to any of them. Eight years have gone by and she seems more tortured each time she comes home. She self analyses every move she makes and seems angry and unhappy. She is not out but to a few family members but in Germany she is more open and goes to gay pride festivities. She had gone to a couple of bars here but says all the women are Dikes and thats not her type. I told her that its very hard because the women like her are also hiding and how in the world do you meet? I worry because for the past year or so she has gotten angrier saying she hates women for their bitchyness and can’t be with men. She is constantly self analyzing every move she makes and seems to be in a self-destruct mode in her professional life. She is so beautiful and smart but she doesn’t laugh much and is angry much of the time focusing on her gay issue. Her mantra ” I HATE Being GAY”, why can’t I be like most women with the husband, kids and picket fence! I love her so much and I just want her to have a partner to share life with and have her focus on something or someone other than herself because it is making her a bitter, dark person. Any suggestions.

Dear looking for Suggestions,

Your daughter needs to focus on herself right now. An angry, depressed, self destruction woman is not going to attract anyone, let alone a beautiful, happy self loving woman. Your daughter sounds like she could greatly benefit from individual therapy as soon as possible. What we see in others is really a mirror of what we see in ourselves. If she sees bitchy women, well chances are she is being bitchy. But bitchy is just a symptom of pain. In stead of self analysis your daughter needs the help of a trained personal. All the things she wants are available to her, love, kids, a picket fence and they are not impossible because she likes women, it sounds like they are impossible for her right now because she doesn’t like herself. Get her to a LGBT positive therapist and maybe even a medical doctor to see if she would benefit from medication. No one’s live should be that unhappy. She is so lucky to have parents that love her and want to help her. You are good, caring Mom and your daughters life can be happy and filled with love. But first she needs to learn how to love herself.

What do I do?

Dianna — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:32:07 +0000

what do i do?

I have known that I was gay ever since the 5th grade. I was grown up in a christian family and my mother and my siblings are openly against gay people. In fact she told my siblings and i that if we ever dated people of the same gender she’d throw us out. I believe in God, and i help out at church a lot because i feel ashamed because of who i am. Now I have a crush on an amazing girl and she likes me but she is out in the open and im stuck in the closet. I dont know what in the world to do, and Im starting to lose weight because im stressing out so much. I have never had a real boyfriend and mom is now throwing guys in my face but i dont like them, and i always find a reason why i dont like them. We are becoming more and more distant and i dont want that for us, so what do i do??

Dear In the Closet,

Go to a doctor NOW. Losing weight as a young girl is very dangerous and can lead to serious health issues. This will also give you an opportunity to have a private conversation with a professional that can help you manage your stress and come up with a plan to talk with your Mom. If the Doctor you see is one that you feel comfortable with and have know for a while I strongly suggest that you explain truthfully what is going on and ask for their help in coming out to your mother. They should be well suited to educate and help your family understand your sexual orientation. You could also get information from PFLAG which provides guidance and education for families for lesbians and gays. Perhaps your school has resources about therapy and groups for teens coming out. Although you you are frightened and worried about how your family may handle your coming out, they are your family and often what people say is not necessarily what they do. If your church has someone that you feel like you could also talk to get their help in telling your family.

Once this is addressed you have an exciting time in front of you, a crush. What a fun, wonderful feeling. Try to enjoy the feeling. You don’t even have to do anything or tell anyone. Its just a special feeling that you have and you can enjoy it. Be brave.

Membership Program Available

Dianna — Sun, 10 Feb 2013 18:33:27 +0000

A new membership program is available so you can use our meeting rooms for free. For just $20 per month you will be entitled to the big meeting room for an hour, or the other meeting rooms for two hours per month. We were proud to provide meeting rooms for free during our first year, and have set our new rates at a bare minimum to defray expenses. Please call us at 753-7770 to arrange your membership.

Tuesday Night at the Movies

char — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 01:02:30 +0000

May 21
A Perfect Ending

Rebecca has a very unusual secret, one that not even her best friends know about. The last person on earth she expects to reveal it to is a high-priced escort named Paris. What starts as a comedy of errors ends up a uniquely erotic journey. Rebecca’s unconventional efforts to find herself are raw, evocative, and often times humorous, but always very real, very human. Sometimes a perfect ending is not what you expect it to be. – by Soul Kiss Films

Social Cycle

Dianna — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:41:11 +0000

Tuesdays at 6pm. Relaxed ride. All are welcome. Meet at the LIKEME Lighthouse parking lot.